The Weekend Wash

The high-flying Matt is back for the wrap of R12.

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One week I’ll actually get this round review out as it finishes. Let me re-jog your memory from all of last week's terrible events, I promise I’ll make it a ripper. It's time for the weekend wash-up!

Petracca (118) – No Oliver and Petracca is making the most of it. Probably not a top 8 mid and not someone I’m chasing, maybe that's a mistake…

Cerra (111) – Adam Cerra has been a clear cut winner since George Hewett got the chop. The concern is obviously how shit house Carlton have been lately. He has had 70%+ CBAs for three weeks running, a role he didn't have when he originally started pumping out massive scores. He has gone at 107 in those last 3 and if he keeps that role he might not be far out of the top 8 mids. I stand corrected.

Butters (129) – Zak Butters is pretty good at footy. He looked on target for another 150 and has since taken his 5 round average to 122… I really hope everybody got on board for $700k. Laughable that he was ever that cheap.

Rozee (121) – After a rocket a couple of weeks ago Rozee has responded well. You wouldn't exactly call him a picture of consistency but he's averaging 100 and that's all you can really ask.

Sheed (138) – My god. I did try to preach the fact his poor score last week was more due to a knock rather than performance, but I didn't see this bounce back coming. I guess Sheed against Collingwood in his 150th was a dead set guarantee to go huge. He's never going to get attention and all he has to play for is going out there and racking up 40 touches every week because the Eagles certainly won't be winning. Him and Duggan have clearly decided to just play pointless 15m kick to kick and I’m all for it.

Duggan (137) – 50 points in the last 10 minutes of the game…. He won't be short of junk time minutes for the rest of the season so there's no reason Duggan can't keep going huge. Sadly the MRP put an end to that and he was hospitalised with illness anyway. This is a short term trade but don't rule him out in Round 15. He looks every bit a top 6 defender.

Mitchell (124) – His name is still Tom Mitchell and he can still pig it up in an easy fixture. Would I consider him relevant in Fantasy? Absolutely not. It's pretty sad watching the 2 current pigs go about it. This would have been a poor Titch score 5 years ago.

Daicos (114) – I finally got to watch Nick Daicos live and my thoughts are pretty clear. That half back role? Pointless. Sure if he's allowed to run free he’ll have 50 touches and be the link in every chain, and he works his ass off for those one-two-threes. But it didn't take long for teams to figure out they need to shut that down. It's easy to reduce his effectiveness, Xavier O’Neil just sat on him and made his 14 first half touches relatively ineffective. Relatively the key word of course. As soon as the game got close I said they had to get him in the midfield, and guess what. Over the next 40 minutes he had 12 CBAs, 16 disposals, 2 goals, broke the tag and absolutely took over the game. It can't be long until he's a full time midfielder, anything else is a waste. He might win 5+ Brownlow's, the kid is just ridiculous.

Cameron (109) – I wasn't overly impressed, but you take that score every day of the week. I think Cameron is an 80's guy so I’d be moving him on his bye, but it was a nice short term play.

English (158) – Briggs and Darcy have been seriously good, but it just doesn't make up for not owning this absolute legend. 27 disposals, 12 marks, 8 tackles, 30 hitouts… That's just unfair. My captaincy choices for the rest of the season are simple. English and Taranto get the vice and captains armband. It hasn't missed yet and I don't think it will.

Daniel (136) – Woah. I checked Caleb Daniel's stats after this eye opening game and wow. I missed this gem. He's averaging 110 in his last 6 games with 4 tons and a lowest score of 90. Daniel was picking up CBAs while Treloar was out, he lost them last week and goes bang with a 130 back in his half back role. I don't think you can get him now but what a pick he has been.

Treloar (130) – Poor Bazlenka. If you consider his score of 76 was from 58% TOG and injury affected, he looks back to his 110+ uber premium form in a full time midfield role. But it's Bevo and the Dogs. No thank you.

Dawson (128) – Oh just f**k off mate.

Keays (123) – MY BOY! Keaysy. Did he go at 36% efficiency? Perhaps. That's not on him though, Adelaide probably weren't training with soapy footy's. We’re not playing bloody supercoach. The eye test was honestly telling me he was Adelaide's best in that first half, and he wasn't alone having a poor second half. Fingers crossed this role sticks, but if you went early last week it's a win anyway. Be aggressive.

Ward (134) – The Callan Ward farewell tour is a risk I’d only ever consider taking in draft. I think he's back to 60's next week.

Taranto (130) – I was actually concerned after his slow start, which is embarrassing on my behalf. That's a guy that has just taken Taranto's scores for granted all year and not given him the faith of wearing the captains armband. A moment of silence for the 26% (?!) of coaches who don't own him. He has a 5 round average of 128 yet still has a breakeven of 117. That's how bloody expensive he is. Good luck ever getting him.

Briggs (117) – Briggsy you beauty! If Tim English and Rowan Marshall are the perfect modern day fantasy rucks then Briggs is the perfect old schooler. Expect him to have plenty of seasons similar to big Goldy in his prime, this bloke is a gun. Awesome pick.

Green (115) – Tom Green is a machine, and even though we all know it you still have to appreciate it. Legend.

Merrett (155) – There is a good reason we try and consider what a player might average for the rest of the season and not just what they were producing beforehand. It was all very mediocre for Zach before this glorious run of fixtures, and coaches have been instantly rewarded with a 3 round average of 142. Just keep that in mind when looking at Lachie Neale and Brisbane's fixtures. Also, what a first quarter… Pig type stuff.

Dow (29) – Never give up on your dreams kids.

Cincotta (39) – I hope Cincotta soaked in every minute of that Friday night blockbuster, because his performance was almost as bad as the game. I’ll be stunned if he pulls on the navy blue again.

Grundy (47) – This guy is supposedly a pig? That's it, I’m calling for that snout to officially be revoked. The premise of once a pig always a pig is great and all, but at some point you’ve got to say enough is enough. It renders the term meaningless! Tough to watch.

Cripps (68) – Keep leading from the front skipper. After all the years of sooking and those poor Patty Cripps narratives, he's got a team that should be capable of winning games and delivers this nonsense. His last 5 weeks have been nothing short of a disgrace, but no doubt another coach will fall on his sword. Lift.

Walsh (55) – This was just a shocking game of footy. I felt sick watching it. And I felt sick watching Sam Walsh. I actually missed the start of the game, so I don't know about the claims he started on fire. All I know is that was the most pathetic effort I have ever seen from a player who I would consider his calibre. Maybe I’ve got it wrong and he's just not all that. Maybe he was injured. Either way he's so far gone out of my team this week it's not funny. You can't stand for that. Don't let the door hit you on the way out Sam.

Day (70) – Will Day is putting his head on the chopping block too at this rate. I held this bloke for what? An average of 80? This turned out to be a disastrous hold, if I had a time machine he would have been out of my team before the MRO even made a decision. I didn't realise it at the time but he was actually trying to do me a favour. Shame on me for not realising. Gutless.

Hewett (11) – Can this guy catch a break. And can I catch a break? Please and thank you. I still think he's a gun and I’ll die on this hill. At least De Goey will be back to doing what he does best for the next few weeks. Look out girls.

De Goey (58) – Oh but guys he's really sorry and didn't mean to jump off the ground and KO a kid so let's not be too harsh on him please. He even tried to call him after the game and apologise! What a saint!!! Just when you think the AFL is taking head injuries seriously, they pull this weak sh*t. Terrible decision. Whatever you do though, don't lay a legal tackle.

Mullin (34) – Yeah…… I think there might have been a good reason to hold off until Round 14 before trading him in. Let's hope the AFL can pump out enough articles talking him up to be the next Gary Ablett to the point Geelong can't drop him. Fingers crossed.

Laird (81) – What in the seven hells is this? It's Rory Laird's fourth score under 84 this year and people want to pay almost a million bucks for him. Each to their own I guess. His TOG% is way down on last year and something is just off here. He was a walk up 35 disposals every week in 2022, now he has hit 30 disposals 3 times this year. THREE. He's basically a slightly better Matt Rowell at this point. Yuck.

Rowell (73) – Speak of the devil. This was the exact reason I was always cold on Rowell, and I got sucked in. It's great that he can tackle his way to a score when he has a quiet game. If a quiet game was 20 touches and a couple of marks. I’m not even sure Matt Rowell knows what a mark is. He had 2 uncontested disposals. In fact he had 10 clearances and only 5 other touches!!! HOW ABOUT A BIT OF SPREAD MATT. Seriously I don't know WTF he does when the ball is active in play. Lord have mercy.

Fiorini (60) – Thank god I got rid of these Gold Coast C*nts last week. I mean Gold Coast Suns.

Ziebell (73) – Do not come Monday Jack. That last quarter was atrocious. Also, thanks for saving your score. It saved you a little bit of cash before I could move your ass on. In all seriousness he has been one of the picks of the season and I have nothing but love for the man nowadays. But his time is up, especially with the Round 15 bye on the horizon. Aaron Hall has ruined everything. Ziebell without Hall averages 108. Ziebell with Hall averages 88. The maths is simple. The 168 is out of his rolling average and he should be out of our teams.

Sheezel (64) – I’m trading Ziebell first but I don't think the Cheezel lasts beyond his bye. God it was a great ride and I can't wait to do it all again. Just in another season. Farewell lad, you’ve probably generated more cash than my entire 8 man bench. Absolute legend.

Greenwood (49) – This game is just a bit sh*t isn't it? It would have been a home run of trades for me had Greenwood not had his lights turned out just before half time. It was a great move and we got unlucky, hopefully you could drop his score off. Move on and brush it off. We go again.

Simpkin (7) – A few Simpkin owners have been rumoured to have bounced off the tarps at the bottom of the Rendezvous hotel in recent weeks. The clean up crews are on high alert. Seriously make sure they’re ok, it has been brutal stuff. If it makes you feel any better, I’ll be right on board next year.

I’ve listened to a few podcasts this week, and all I’m hearing is how I should be upgrading to the likes of Brayshaw, Serong and Sinclair. And that would be f**king fantastic, if I had some cash on my bench to generate those moves?!?! Am I the only one going shopping at the two dollar store? I’m basically living in a house between a crack den and a brothel because I am absolutely f**ked. This game sh*ts me.

2030. Which really pissed me off, because without trading JVR, Greenwood's mid game nap and Sam Walsh's absolute Barry Crocker I really should have been up there for the highest score this week. I guess 10 scores above 115 comes in handy. Having had 20 players last week I’m looking at 21 this week, and my Round 13 trades should set me up perfectly for Round 15. My only concern left is the Round 14 bye, which I can get to 20 with no carnage and my 3 trades. Can I get through this week without 2 players going down? I’ve got everything crossed, this is where she went tits up in 2018 at wash-up headquarters.

My trades this week are probably the longest I’ve ever spent making in a week of fantasy. No injuries, no direction and absolutely no f**king rookies. I envy the guy that can just downgrade a fat cash cow and upgrade to a premium or two. If only things were that simple. I’ve decided to just go balls to the wall and ride my red dots. All six of them. I’d just trade in new ones anyway. Instead I’m going ultra aggressive having had all my bad rookies off the field in Round 10.

It's time to take a stand and I’m not taking that sh*t from Sam Welsh. He could score 130 next week and I won't bat an eyelid, he's gone. Same can be said for Jack Ziebell, just with less bad blood. If I was Mr Moneybags like everybody else apparently is I’d target Andy Brayshaw. Instead I love Lachie Neale. The fixtures are awesome and he has shown a high ceiling in the past. He's number one for me. My Ziebell replacement I like far less. Sinclair is absolutely the best answer, but I can only afford Hayden Young. Unfortunately it is what it is.

Those moves free up some cash to go Hugh Greenwood to… Blanket Jackson. Yes I keep hearing about how you’ll need to move him on after the byes. Or in a couple of weeks when Darcy returns. As if we don't have two trades every week and another 6 over the next couple of weeks?! It's a different game we play these days and I’m going ultra aggressive. Tune in next week to see how it all capitulated.

Walsh -> Neale

Ziebell -> Young

Greenwood -> L.Jackson

Good luck next week legends, as always may the luckiest man win!

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